Revelations
by LouBlue
Summary: EJami fic. What happens when Rafe's baby lie is finally revealed? Will Sami finally learn the truth not only about Rafe, but herself?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****: So, as I write this, we have the big baby daddy lie coming up on the show, and seeing as the show has had a somewhat rocky relationship with pay offs to these kinds of reveals (read that as EJami always gets shafted), I thought I'd jump in and write my own version, seeing as even if this bodes well for EJami, it's unlikely they'll do it too much justice. I'm not saying I will, but at least my heart is completely in it. :D **

**Okay, so we pick up from where EJ has just gotten proof the now dead baby is his and Sami is comforting Rafe for his 'loss'. **

**Hope you enjoy...**

**Revelations**

"Then you will know the truth,

And the truth will set you free."

_John 8:32_

**Chapter One**

Sami opened the door to her apartment and hurried inside, keeping the door open for Rafe to walk in after her. She watched him nervously, trying to read his expression. He'd called her from the hospital where he'd just gotten news Nicole had gone into early labour and delivered their stillborn son. Sami had immediately rushed to his side, but Rafe hadn't wanted to stay at the hospital. Nicole had been sedated as she'd become hysterical, so now they were back at her place. Sami was no fan of Nicole's but all the emotions of what it had felt like to lose Grace were rushing back to her and that was something she couldn't wish on anyone, not even Nicole. The loss of a child created an emptiness that never truly left you, no matter whatever other happiness you might find in life. She bit her lip as she watched Rafe take a seat on the sofa. He'd been so quiet on the ride over, Sami had struggled to know what to say to him. "I'll make us some tea," she offered, eager to have something to do.

Rafe shook his head, face serious. "No, thanks," he said quietly, "I don't want any tea."

Sami felt so badly for what had happened. She took a seat beside Rafe and held his hand in hers. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him. "I'm so sorry, Rafe, for the loss of your son today. I know what being a father means to you."

Rafe looked at her and opened his mouth and closed it again and looked away.

Sami squeezed his hand tight. "And I'm so sorry I went on and on about you not being the father to Nicole's baby. That was so wrong of me to doubt you like that and now, and now-" Sami trailed off, not knowing how to finish that sentence. She put her arm around him. "We'll get through this together," she promised him. "You and me, together. I'm going to help you through this like you helped me through Grace's death." Just the mention of the little girl's name had the tears welling up in Sami's eyes. It didn't matter that Grace had turned out not to biologically belong to her, she'd belonged in every way that mattered and Sami still thought of her daily. Sami leaned into Rafe, offering him her strength. "I know what kind of pain you're in, Rafe, and I know there is nothing I can say to make it better. Just know I'm here for you, whatever you need, just ask. You're a good man, a wonderful man and you would have been the best father in the world to that little boy, I know you would have been."

"I can't believe this has happened," Rafe croaked. "It was all for nothing."

Sami frowned. "What do you mean?"

Rafe hesitated. "I just mean, after everything that has happened, Nicole's baby has died. It doesn't seem real."

"But it is real," said Sami gently. "You have to accept that this has happened, Rafe. You and Nicole have suffered a terrible loss and my heart is just breaking, for both of you."

Rafe sat back in the sofa, face stony. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"But you have to," Sami protested. "You can't bottle up this kind of pain." She was desperate to help. Sami turned to face him more. "Look, I know you're probably still mad at me for the way I wouldn't believe that the baby was yours. Of course Danny was your son, you'd never lie about something like that and I just feel like the worst person on earth for ever having doubted you, even for a minute. But you have to let me help you, Rafe, you can't deal with this on your own. This is the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent and you shouldn't have to go through it alone."

Rafe was staring at her now and Sami was having difficulty trying to work out the expressions on his face. Eventually he spoke. "I'm glad you're here, Sami. I'm glad you want to be there for me."

Sami was surprised. "Of course I do, why wouldn't I want to be? You've always tried to look out for me, even when I was being an idiot, the least I can do is be here for you now. I've disappointed you so many times, but I'm not going to disappoint you this time. I know you deserve so much better than me, Rafe, but I'm going to work really hard to make you happy and you'll see, I will."

Rafe half-smiled and stroked her hair. "That's all I ever wanted, Sami, for you to let us be happy together."

"I know," said Sami huskily. "I know I've messed up so many times, but this time is different, I know it. I love that we're being completely honest with each other again, like it used to be. Everything is going to be alright, Rafe. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but we can go back to how things used to be between us." Sami leant in to give him a reassuring kiss when there was a knock at the door. She sent Rafe an apologetic look. "I'll get rid of them," she promised him. Sami stood up and hurried over to the door and opened it. Her heart sank when she saw EJ standing in the hallway. "EJ, please," she begged him, "don't start anything. Rafe isn't up to this right now. He's just lost his son, have a heart."

EJ's face was as though it was set in stone as he walked into the apartment uninvited, coming to stand in front of Rafe as the other man stood up from the sofa.

"EJ," said Sami desperately, "whatever you think you're doing, just don't. This isn't right, you know that."

EJ wasn't looking at her, just staring coldly at Rafe as Rafe stared back unflinchingly. "This isn't right," said EJ bitterly, "never a truer word spoken." Still shooting daggers of death at Rafe, EJ drew a piece of paper out of his coat pocket and threw it at Rafe's chest. "Guess what that is, Mr. Hero," he said tightly.

"Get out, DiMera," said Rafe sharply. "I'm not dealing with your crap anymore."

Sami bent down to retrieve the piece of paper. "What is this?" She scanned the neatly typed page, instantly recognising it as a DNA result.

"I've just come from Nicole and she finally confessed everything to me," said EJ hoarsely.

"You're lying," snapped Rafe. "There is nothing to confess." He looked over at Sami. "If that's what I think it is, it's fake, Sami. This is a typical DiMera trick."

Sami was staring at the results on the page, results which claimed EJ was the father of Nicole's stillborn son with a 99.98% accuracy. She read the words, but the implication was longer in setting in.

"I had to hear Nicole had gone into labour with my son second hand," said EJ harshly. "And then it was an orderly who told me my son was delivered dead." His hands clenched and unclenched. "Nicole told me everything, Hernandez. She told me it was your idea to pretend to be the father of my child, because in your opinion, I wasn't fit to be a father."

Sami looked up from the results in her hand. "Rafe," she said shakily, "is this true? Have you been lying to everyone the whole time?"

A muscle was ticking in Rafe's cheek and he looked really angry but he wasn't protesting his innocence any more. A coldness started to seep into Sami's bones.

"Not everyone," said EJ, face twisted in hatred. "You'll be pleased to know, Samantha, that Rafe saw fit to share his lies with your sister, because he couldn't stand the thought of lying to her." His gaze swept over her coldly. "Apparently he didn't have the same qualms with you."

"Get out!" barked Rafe. "You're in no position to judge me, DiMera!"

"No," said EJ harshly, "I'll leave that to God."

"Rafe," said Sami, still in disbelief.

"And I am leaving," said EJ coldly. "I'm going to spend some time with my son before I have to bury him." His voice shook a little at the end of that sentence but EJ was already turning around and stalking out the door, leaving a stunned Sami in his wake.

She looked at Rafe wide eyed, hands starting to shake as she still held onto the report.

Rafe held up a placating hand to her. "Sami, I can explain. I had to protect Nicole and her baby from EJ, you more than anyone should be able to understand that."

Sami stared back at him, everything sinking in and in that moment she did understand, for the first time, she truly understood everything.

**oooOOOOooo**

Sami walked down the clinical hospital corridors, knowing exactly where she was going because she'd been there before. It was a little room reserved for privacy for people going through the worst day of their life. She'd sat in this room with Grace's dead body in her arms, trying to work out how she was ever going to let this little miracle which had filled her world for too short a time, go. It was the room where a part of her heart had been torn out of her chest to be buried with the little girl. Sami stopped in front of the wooden doors and took a depth breath. She didn't knock, just walked in and the first thing she saw was EJ, sitting on the tastefully understated sofa against the wall, holding a too small bundle in a pale blue blanket. He didn't look up as she entered, even though he had to know she was there, all of his attention focused on the child in his arms.

Sami took a seat beside EJ on the sofa. It didn't matter what had passed between them before, all that mattered was this moment. She looked at the unmoving child in EJ's arm. He was perfect in every way and Sami had to force herself to remind herself that this little boy was gone and was never going to open those eyes of his. Sami fought back a stab of pain as she looked at the baby. She didn't need a DNA test to know she was looking at EJ's son. This little one was the spitting image of Johnny when he'd been first born. It was so startling that it actually made Sami long to run from the room and find Johnny and throw her arms around him and hold him tight, never wanting to let him go. Sharp tears pricked her eyes, blurring Sami's vision of the little boy. "He's beautiful," she whispered to EJ as he rocked his son instinctively back and forth in a gentle motion.

EJ's eyes weren't able to leave his son's face but Sami could see the pain etched into his face. Tears ran down his face. "Am I so horrible a person that God would keep taking my children from me?" he asked raggedly. He finally turned to look at Sami, the pain in his brown eyes breathtakingly hard to see as he implored her for an answer to his question. "Am I that evil that He has to torture my children? Both of Nicole's babies, Grace, Johnny's eye, am I so wicked that He has to punish me like this?" EJ sounded like a man in utter torment.

Tears were running down Sami's face as she grabbed him arm and shook her head. "EJ, don't, no, of course not, don't ever say that," she begged him. "This isn't your fault."

"But it has to be," said EJ, voice hoarse with emotion. "I've never even been allowed to see one of my children born, I've never been a part of a real pregnancy, God has to be punishing me for all the things I've done."

Sami's throat was closed over and she was finding it difficult to talk as she weeped with EJ. "That isn't how it works, EJ, you know that," she said around her tears. "You're a good father, you love your children and God knows that."

EJ looked down at the baby in his arms, face crumbling. "Then why does He keep taking my babies away from me?" he asked brokenly.

The hurt and defeat in EJ's voice and whole body was literally painful to witness. His agony rolled out from him, slicing through her like a knife. Sami's face was wet with her tears. "Sometimes bad things happen, EJ," she whispered. "It's nobody's fault."

EJ's tears dripped down his face. "I can't say goodbye to another child, Samantha. I don't have it in me."

Sami slipped her arm through his and squeezed it tight, clinging to his side. "You're not saying goodbye, EJ, you'll always carry him around in your heart, I promise you."

"He's never going to know how much I love him," said EJ achingly, holding the little boy closer to his body.

"I think babies always know when they're loved," said Sami quietly. "I think all babies are born knowing everything and then forget it all as they grow older so we learn it all over again." She leant into EJ. "Do you remember how the twins would look at us when they were first born, like they knew all the secrets of the universe? They seemed so wise and all knowing. Your son knew his daddy loved him, EJ. I believe that with every fibre of my being."

EJ closed his eyes, causing fresh tears to course down his face. "I don't want this to be happening."

Sami held on tightly to him, offering her touch by way of comfort. "I know," she whispered, "I know." She'd made all kinds of promises of this going to be alright to Rafe when she thought she was comforting him about the loss of his son, but with EJ it was different. It was always different with EJ. Sami reacted instinctively to EJ's raw pain, a pain she hadn't seen in Rafe and now she knew why. She put thoughts of Rafe out of her head right then, knowing that was something to be dealt with at another time. Right now EJ needed her and that was where she needed to be and it was the only place Sami wanted to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Sami walked into the Brady pub, intent on collecting her children. She'd spent the afternoon with EJ and his son and then told him he was coming over to spend the rest of the evening with his children. Sami hadn't asked EJ, she'd just told him. She knew it was what he needed and they were going to go a long way in soothing his broken heart. Rafe was leaning on the bar and straightened up when she walked in. EJ's grief was still clinging to her as Sami finally let her emotions about Rafe's part in all of this truly register. The pub only had a few patrons, three of which where her parents and John, apparently having dinner together but Sami didn't even look at them.

Rafe gave her a concerned look. "You were gone so long I was beginning to worry." He looked her over. "Are you alright, Sami? Where have you been?"

"Where do you think I've been?" asked Sami coldly. "I've been with EJ."

Rafe's lips thinned. "Do you think that was a good idea?"

Sami just stared at him. "I think it was the best idea I've had in a long time. EJ needed me."

Rafe looked annoyed. "You know he is going to use this to play you again, you get that right, Sami? That guy is all about playing the angles."

EJ's grief had been such a tangible thing and what the two of them had shared in that little room was so deeply intimate, it galled Sami no end that Rafe could be so dismissive of what had happened when for one thing, he didn't know what had happened and for another, he wasn't a parent. "I'd guess you'd know all about that," said Sami caustically.

Rafe's face was serious. "We need to talk."

"Is there anything to talk about?" asked Sami bitterly.

Marlena was on her feet, walking over to the two of them. "Sami, give Rafe a chance to explain."

Sami fixed her attention on her mother, blue eyes flashing fire. "So, were you in on this little betrayal as well, Mom?" She looked at her father and John. "Were you all in on it?"

The other two men stood up and came to stand by her mother. The four of them created a disapproving semi-circle around Sami. Her mother's tone was soft and cajoling. "Of course we didn't know. Rafe has just told us now. But you have to realise that Rafe was only trying to do the right thing here, Sami. Nicole was in fear of her child's life, he had to do something to protect them both. Surely you understand that."

"You asked me what I was doing this afternoon," said Sami tightly, face hard as she addressed Rafe. "I told you I was with EJ and I was. I was watching a man break down and mourn the loss of a child he was never allowed to know in anyway. EJ's heart is broken and you're standing there making out like he's kind of sub-human that would want to hurt his own child." Sami glared at them all. "You all make me sick!"

"Now come on, Sami," her father chastised her, "you yourself have hidden a baby from EJ."

"And I know how wrong I was," said Sami unhappily. "EJ loves his children and would do anything for them. I had no right to try and keep Sydney and Johnny from enjoying their father's love. It was wrong of me but I was so convinced that they were going to be somehow indoctrinated into the DiMera way of life, just by being around EJ, I panicked and did a bad thing."

"Then you have to understand why Nicole did what she did," John argued.

"Nicole was stealing babies to give to EJ to raise," Sami snapped. "She wasn't afraid of them growing up as DiMera's, she wanted it that way. She only stopped wanting it when EJ and I slept together. I was keeping Grace from EJ out of a misguided sense of fear, Nicole was doing it out of revenge!"

"That isn't true, Sami," her father argued. "Nicole had a lot of reason to fear EJ. He's done a lot of bad things. He doesn't deserve to be a father."

Sami folded her arms in front of herself, seething inside. "What has EJ done that I haven't done, Dad? Does that mean I don't deserve to be a parent either?"

Roman scowled. "That isn't what I'm saying, Sami, you know that."

"Then what are you saying, explain it to me, Dad?"

"Your father is just trying to protect you," interjected Rafe. "That's all any of us are trying to do Sami."

"And your way of protecting me was to lie to me?" asked Sami incredulously.

"I had a good reason for lying," Rafe protested. "You know that."

"You thought you had a good reason to lie to EJ," Sami shot back. "What was your reason for lying to me, Rafe? I did everything I could think of to make you trust me again and you just wouldn't, would you?" Her lips twisted into a sneer. "You know I called you pathologically honest to EJ, can you imagine? I couldn't comprehend that you'd lie, Rafe, because you were too good a man for that and you certainly wouldn't lie to me, not after all that we'd been through. You looked me in the eyes and swore you were the father of Nicole's baby and you did it again and again, without flinching."

"Rafe's lie was for a good cause," Marlena defended him. "It was necessary, Sami."

"You taught me a lie is a lie and they're all wrong, but what you really meant was that it depends on who is doing the lying," said Sami bitterly. "If it's someone in this family that is considered good, then they can pretty much write their own ticket, now can't they, Mom?" Sami's face tightened in rage. "I mean, Carrie has thrown herself on her back for just about any guy, as long as it isn't her husband and you're all fine with that, because Carrie's the good child. Unlike me, who's the bad child, so by definition, everything I do is wrong." Sami glared at her mother. "Come on, Mom, when Carrie came to you and told her she was lusting after my husband, what did you say to her, be honest?"

Marlena's lips thinned and she looked unhappy to be put on the spot.

"Did you tell her to go home to her husband and work things out?" Sami asked sweetly. "Did you tell her to respect her sister's marriage and do the right thing?"

Marlena's head came up. "I told her to follow her heart," she said unapologetically.

"Oh right, great advice, Doc," she sneered. "Why is it alright for you and Carrie to follow your heart and it isn't for me? Why is it alright for you and Carrie to cheat on your husbands and throw away your marriages because you were following your hearts and we should all be applauding you and yet when I tell you EJ is in my heart, all you can do is jump all over me?"

"That was completely different," said Marlena stiffly. "John is a good man."

"John is a brain washed hit man who's done a lot of bad things," Sami threw back at him. "He was Stefano's puppet for how many years? Explain to me your version of good and evil, Mom? How come John gets to be good and EJ is evil? Explain to me how this sliding scale of right and wrong is worked out by this family? Do all the good Brady's get together and take a vote? Is that what happens? And then they can come out in judgment of anyone who falls short of their lofty standards, standards they don't see fit to living up to themselves!" Sami was breathing heavily after her rant. It was all so clear to her now, she couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. "I've turned myself inside out to try and get you people to approve of me." She looked at Rafe. "All of you, and my best was never good enough, was it?"

"Sami, you need to calm down," Rafe advised her. "You're getting hysterical and this isn't the place to talk about these things."

"Why are you worried, Rafe?" she bit out. "Nothing can ever touch your halo. Lust after my married sister, my family want to pin a medal on your chest. Lie through your teeth to keep a father away from his child and they want to erect a statue in your honour. I swear, you could become a mass murderer and they'd want to organise a parade to proclaim you King of Salem." Sami's face was red as she spat words of vitriol at him.

Rafe's expression barely changed. "You don't know what you're saying, Sami. You just need to calm down. Let's go somewhere and talk."

"What is there left to say, Rafe?" she asked resentfully. "You asked for one thing when we got back together and it was honestly. Well, I was honest with you, but you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with me, could you? Because what I did was so heinous, that I was never going to be allowed to be on an equal footing in our marriage, was I? You were going to hold what happened with EJ against me for the rest of our lives, no matter how hard and long I grovelled at your feet." Sami gave a sharp, bitter laugh. "And you just let me grovel and beg for a second chance and didn't blink. You let me belittle myself endlessly even though you knew you were lying to me the whole time."

"I wanted to tell you about the baby, Sami," Rafe protested. "So many times."

"But you didn't," Sami ground out. "Even when I gave you a complete free pass over it, you couldn't tell me the truth because you don't trust me."

"Can you blame me?" Rafe threw back at her. "You know your history with men, Sami. How did I know you wouldn't go running back to EJ with the information?"

"My history with men," Sami repeated tersely. "I've been thinking about that for awhile now. For the longest time I couldn't work out why I always end up screwing up all of my relationships with men and today, when EJ walked into my apartment with the truth about your lies, suddenly everything was painfully clear to me."

"What do you mean, Sami?" asked John.

"I mean, John," she returned harshly, "that I've spent my entire life trying to conform to this family's opinion on what constitutes a good person that I've always gone after a man who I thought could give me that. Austin, Lucas, Rafe – they were all men that were meant to rescue me from myself." Sami gave a humourless laugh. "I figured they were all better than me, and I was going to be better by being loved by them but then today I realised, none of them were better than me." Sami fixed Rafe with a hard stare. "You're not better than me, Rafe. You lie and scheme and manipulate when it suits you but you just call it by another name when you do it."

"Rafe is a good and honourable man, Sami," her father defended him.

"No, he's not, Dad," said Sami simply. "Rafe is as flawed as everyone else in the world, including you." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I can't believe I bought into this for so long, I can't believe I let you all make me feel like I wasn't enough, just as I was."

"Sami," gasped Marlena in horror, "that was never our intent. We love you, just as you are."

Sami opened her eyes and glared at her mother. "No," she said fiercely, "you love the woman you think I should be and you're disappointed with me every time I can't be that person. Well, you know what, I'm disappointed in you all as well. You've let me down over the years, you're not perfect but how come when I do it, it's some kind of inherent character flaw and when you do it, it's all justifiable?" Sami swung her attention back to Rafe, eyes blazing. "You asked me once why I went to EJ and not you when I thought Johnny was dead and I told you I didn't know," she bit out. "Well, now I do know. Thanks to all the revelations of today, I know exactly why I did it."

"Because you love him?" offered up Rafe acrimoniously. "Is that what you're going to say, Sami?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" she threw back at him. "So you could run off and play the hard done by victim hurt by the stupid, selfish Sami who doesn't know her own mind. You'd get to walk away from this with your hands clean if that was the case, wouldn't you? Ain't no cure for stupid, after all."

"That wasn't what I meant," said Rafe shortly. "But EJ has always had a hold over you and you don't see clearly when he's around."

"You know, up until today, I completely bought into that version of mine and EJ's relationship," said Sami tightly. "That somehow EJ warped everything around him, me included and nothing he said or did could ever possibly be true or right." Sami's head came up as she defiantly held Rafe's gaze. "I went to be with EJ that day for one reason and one reason only. I was dying inside, I couldn't hold myself together. I thought my son had just died and I didn't have the strength to be anything other than who I really was and I knew instinctively the only person who could deal with that Sami was EJ. He is the only one who doesn't flinch when I'm being truly me, the only one who doesn't judge my ugliness or tell me my shortcomings. He just accepts that is who I am and amazingly, loves me anyway."

"Sami, EJ doesn't love you," said Roman urgently. "The man is a DiMera and incapable of love."

Sami could feel her face getting more and more flushed as she fought with them but she wasn't backing down. "And what are you basing this on, Dad?" she asked angrily. "You don't know EJ, you never did."

"I know him plenty," said Roman darkly. "Ask John about knowing him, EJ shot him. DiMera's have no soul."

"I guess Lexie must be in hell then?" snapped Sami.

"Sami!" said her mother in horror. "That is a terrible thing to say. How could you?"

"I'm just trying to follow your own logic, Mom," Sami shot back at her. "All DiMera's are evil, so Lexie must be in hell along with Benji and I guess Sydney and Johnny are going to end up there as well seeing as they're DiMera's. You can't have it both ways – either all DiMera's are soulless bastards or they're not. You try and tell me things are black and white and I wanted to believe you for the longest time, in fact I lived my life by that notion but you know what, it's just not true. There is no absolute good or evil, there are just all the shades of gray in between."

"All this back and forth is just you trying to justify yourself when you go running back to EJ," Rafe spat out. "You want us to give you our blessing or at least absolve you of any guilt, well, that's not going to happen. EJ can have you, but don't think you're not going to end up needing to be rescued from the guy one day."

"You know what?" Sami ground out. "I'll ask for your opinion on me and EJ when your opinion actually means something to me, Rafe, which it doesn't and frankly, never will again. You're a liar and a manipulator and that's fine, I could live with that, everyone lies, everyone manipulates but what I can't live with is you not being honest about who you really are. You're not an honest man, you're not a good man, you're just a man, with faults and flaws like everyone else. You're not better than me." Sami drew in a shaky breath and looked at them all. "None of you are better than me," she admonished them. "Your version of love is just as imperfect as mine is. None of you have the answers to a happy life and it's about time I came to terms with that and stopped trying to have your kind of life and think about what kind of life I want to have. I don't have to be like any of you to be happy." Sami stopped and blinked, her own words sinking in. "I don't have to be like any of you to be happy," she repeated in amazement.

It was like the heavens had parted and Sami was standing in a pool of light suddenly.

Sami gave an uneven laugh. "Oh my God, why has it taken me so long to figure that out?" Her head snapped up, a triumphant glee in her eyes. Sami felt like she'd just been reborn, a fire burning in her stomach. "And I don't need rescuing, Rafe, not from EJ, not from myself, I never did. I'm a fierce, manipulative bitch who can do anything if she puts her mind to it and I'm a dedicated mother who loves her children. I can be generous, kind, thoughtful, mean, thoughtless and heroic. I'm all of those things, sometimes all at the same time because I'm complicated, I'm not black or white, I'm all the shades of grey in between and if you all can't deal with that, then that is your problem, not mine!" Sami finished her rant and felt like she was eight feet tall and bullet proof while Rafe and the rest of her family was looking at her in various degrees of horror and disbelief. "Now I'm getting my children and taking them home to their father," she said fiercely. "And if any of you have a problem with that, I don't give a crap." Sami squared her shoulders and brushed past them all. On the way to out the back of the pub, Sami passed by a couple with the menus held up to their faces, obviously embarrassed to be caught in the middle of this family feud. Sami had some advice for them. "Don't bother with the Clam Chowder special of the day," she warned them. "Just like everything else to do with this family, it's overrated."

And with that final dig delivered, Sami swept out of the room and went to collect her children.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Sami walked into her bedroom to find EJ stretched out on her bed, lying on his side with Johnny and Sydney beside him. They were all fast asleep. Sami gave a tender smile at the sight. She walked over to the bed and pulled the sheet up over the three of them, tucking them in. EJ was just wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt and the children were already in their pyjamas. Lucas had arrived earlier in the night to collect Ali. He'd heard what had happened and wanted to spend some time with Ali himself. Sami understood. It was times like these every parent wanted to hold their children a little closer.

EJ had come home from the hospital, quiet and obviously still in deep pain, which Sami had expected. She'd ordered him to her apartment, cooked him dinner and just let EJ be with his children, their childish chatter clearly what EJ needed. He and Sami didn't really talk, their time consumed by the energetic children and when it was time for bedtime, Sami had told EJ she'd clean up and he could read them a bed time story. They were used to Sami reading to them in her bed, so the three of them had gone to her bedroom and by the time Sami had finished cleaning up, it was to find they were all asleep. Sami didn't blame EJ, today had been an emotionally draining day and she was glad he'd managed to find some rest. She turned to leave when a voice came from behind her.

"Samantha."

EJ's quiet calling of her name had Sami turning around. She looked down at EJ who was looking up at her in the low light. "I don't want to leave them," he said in a low voice.

"You don't have to, EJ," she assured him. "You sleep here tonight. I'll sleep on Johnny's bed, it's okay."

"I don't want you to go," EJ implored her quietly. "Stay, Samantha, please."

Sami hesitated for only the briefest second and then she was climbing into bed and snuggling against Sydney as EJ lay with Johnny protectively cocooned against his body. She pulled up the sheets and covered them all.

EJ gave a sad little smile. "Thank you," he said softly.

Sami lay on her side, mirroring EJ's position as they talked quietly over the slumbering children. "How are you feeling?" she asked him compassionately.

"Sad, angry," he looked down at Sydney and Johnny, "blessed." EJ swallowed hard. "Sad," he said again.

"I wish I could make this better for you, EJ," said Sami hopelessly. "I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away."

"You've done more than you know," said EJ and looked down at their children. He shook his head in quiet wonder. "How did two such deeply flawed people manage to create these truly perfect children?" he marvelled huskily as he stroked Johnny's mop of wild curls.

Sami smiled tenderly at their children. "I don't know," she said tremulously, "but I think God for them every day." Sami studied EJ's face in the darkened room as he watched the children sleep, her face serious. "You were right, you know," she admitted to him. "You were right about everything."

EJ lifted his eyes to meet hers, a measure of surprise in them. He cast his eyes up at the ceiling and then back to Sami, as a wry smile touched his lips. "I always figured the world would end when you said those words to me, Samantha." He gave a dry laugh. "I guess I was wrong."

"I deserved that," said Sami, unoffended. "I've been a complete bitch to you, well, since we've met really."

"I'm not looking for apologies, Samantha," said EJ, going back to looking at the children. "We both made a lot of mistakes with each other. I'm not interested in keeping a score card."

"I know." Sami frowned, looking at him curiously. "You know that isn't normal, right? People usually hold grudges."

"I always knew the reason why you did the things you did," said EJ simply. "It's who you are and all I wanted for you was to understand why I did the things I did too."

"I didn't want to for the longest time," Sami admitted sadly. "But I did, right from the beginning and that was why I've been running away from you ever since. I saw the real me in you and it scared the hell out of me."

"I know," said EJ huskily. "I know."

Sami couldn't help but stare at him in amazement. "How can you still love me, after everything that I've put you through, EJ?"

EJ's head was on a pillow, as was Sami's on another, facing each other, as they held each other's gaze over the heads of their children. "Samantha, I loved you from the beginning. You have been at the heart of the greatest highs and deepest lows of my life. Loving you has formed the architecture of my soul and there is no way to change that and I wouldn't want to even if there were."

Bittersweet tears welled up in Sami's eyes at EJ's beautiful words. "EJ," she choked, "I don't deserve you saying those words to me."

"Don't say that," EJ pleaded with her unevenly, "because if you don't deserve those words, then either do I and I need them so badly from you, Samantha."

"But how can you have any faith in my words?" she asked him despairingly. "The way I've bounced between you and Lucas and Rafe, what weight do my words even have anymore? I've been so fickle."

"You haven't been fickle, Samantha," EJ corrected her quietly. "You've been lost and that's not the same thing."

"Why are you being so kind to me, EJ? You don't have to be."

"I'm telling you the truth, even when I've lied to you, I was always telling you the truth."

Sami looked at him in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It means my lies were always wrapped up in my love for you, so no matter what I was doing, good or bad, it was always about me loving you." EJ grimaced. "It's not pretty, but that's the truth about me." He looked at her with serious eyes. "The truth about us."

"I want you to know it's over with Rafe," Sami told him earnestly.

EJ looked a little sad. "I know, because of the baby lie."

"No," said Sami quickly, "that's not what I meant. I meant it's over with Rafe in the way that I'm over trying to find a man to fix me, to make me acceptable to my family. I'm over trying to make this world into a black and white place. Rafe, my family, they can all seem to do that and I tried to be like them but the truth is, I could never figure out their world. The rules seemed to keep on changing and I felt like I was always playing catch up. Like there was some secret book given to every Brady or Rafe kinda guy in the world about how to be perfect in this world and I was never allowed to read it." Sami closed her eyes. "And today I realised there is no book, no secret formula to being perfect because it isn't possible. All this time, I've been beating myself up for being less than perfect, and while I was doing that, I couldn't see that my family and Austin and Lucas and Rafe weren't perfect either. I mean, I knew they weren't, but their imperfections seemed so much smaller compared to mine that I had nothing to offer them. It always left me grateful for any scrap of attention or love I did get."

Sami opened her eyes and gave EJ a mock accusing look. "That was why you were so freakish to me, EJ, you didn't pretend to be anything you weren't and you loved me. I didn't know what that said about you, I didn't know what it said about me. I couldn't get the good guys to love me, but the crazy DiMera, I couldn't get rid of him." Sami rolled her eyes. "I spent seven years trying to run from the answer to that question and it's only today when I stopped running and realised it's not about the black and white, it's about the greys. Being loved by you doesn't make me a bad person, EJ, anymore than being loved by Rafe makes me a good one. Neither one of you have that kind of power because neither one of you are all good or all bad."

EJ gave a soft smile. "It makes me really happy to hear you say these words, Samantha. I've waited a long time to hear them."

"I've been waiting my whole life," Sami confessed. "It's taken me a really long time to get here, but I'm here now." She hesitated. "EJ, today is about your son and your grief, and it will be for a long time. I don't want to make it about me." Sami wrinkled her nose. "Even though I've been talking about myself non-stop since I got into bed," she said self-deprecatingly. "I'm not going to tell you I love you and promise you that you'll always have my heart, even though it's true. I feel like today I've been woken up from the longest dream and I'm seeing the world for the first time. I feel like I've been reborn and I want this new Sami to find her feet and to win your heart."

"You already have my heart, Samantha," EJ pointed out gently. He gave her a lop-sided smile. "It's non-returnable."

"But you gave that heart to a Sami who didn't understand its' worth," Sami pointed out. "I want to win that heart all over again, EJ, as the real Sami Brady. I want to woo you."

EJ's eyes crinkled at the corners, softening the sadness held inside of his eyes. "You want to woo me?" he asked with a little laugh.

Sami arched a challenging eyebrow. "Do you have a problem with that, DiMera?"

"Do I have a problem with being wooed by you?" EJ repeated with a smile. "Hardly. It's just that we already know I'm going to be madly in love with you within seconds, sweetheart. It hardly seems worth your effort."

"The point of wooing is not the destination, it's the journey," said Sami determinedly.

"When did you become such an expert on the subject of woo?" EJ teased her.

Sami knew the answer to that. "After watching you woo me for the last seven years."

EJ groaned laughingly. "Oh God, please tell me you're not going to use my template for trying to win your heart, Samantha? Hasn't there been enough bloodshed and pain between us already?"

"I wasn't thinking of what you did, EJ," she countered. "I'm talking about what you saw. You saw me, in all my weaknesses and in all of my strengths and you still wanted me. That's what I want to give to you, EJ. I want you to know I see who you are, all of it, the good and the bad and that I love all of it." Sami reached over the children's head and slipped her fingers through EJ's fingers as his hand rested on the pillow between them. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. "I want you to see the real Sami in action, all the time, not just in fleeting glimpses and I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt that she is here to stay. I want the words I say to have weight again, EJ. I want them to mean something and that is why I'm going to woo you. Because when I do finally stand in front of you, and tell you I love you, you're not going to be able to have a moment's doubt or hesitancy that I know exactly what those words mean and I own them completely."

EJ was looking at her in adoring amazement. "I think I'm going to like this wooing business."

Sami gave him a wobbly smile. "Damn straight."

EJ closed his eyes and looked torn. "How can this day be both the worst day of my life and the best at the same time?"

Sami squeezed his hand tightly. "Because life isn't black or white." EJ opened his eyes and looked at her and Sami smiled back at him softly. "Someone very smart once said that to me and I was afraid of hearing that then but I'm not afraid any longer. You're going to get through this, EJ. You're going to miss Danny every day for the rest of your life, but you're going to get through this and I'm going to be with you the whole way. We'll take this slowly, we've got time."

EJ squeezed her hand back and sent her a grateful look. "I know, and I can't wait."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Sami puttered around the kitchen in her bare feet. The rest of the household was still asleep and she'd let them be, deciding to prepare breakfast instead so they could all enjoy it together. The quiet of the morning was interrupted by a short series of knocks on the door. Sami walked over to the door and opened it, her expression not changing when she saw who it was. "Rafe," she said casually, acknowledging his presence. This visit wasn't totally unexpected.

"Sami, we need to talk," said Rafe urgently. "I didn't get to tell you everything I wanted to say yesterday."

Sami arched an eyebrow. "And how is that my problem, Rafe?"

Rafe made a frustrated face. "Please, Sami, be reasonable and hear me out."

"Why?"

"Because you owe me that."

Sami blinked. "I _owe_ you that?"

"You know what I mean."

"For the first time in our relationship I do," said Sami flatly. "I really, really do." She went to shut the door in his face. "Goodbye, Rafe."

Rafe stuck his foot in the door and barged his way into the apartment.

Sami made a grimace of annoyance. "Get out, Rafe. I don't want a scene and have the children woken up."

"I don't want to make a scene," Rafe assured her.

"Great, then leave."

"Not before I say what I have to say," said Rafe stubbornly.

"Alright, fine," said a disinterested Sami, "knock yourself out, but I was in the middle of making pancakes and I have to get back to my batter." She walked back over to kitchen and went back to beating the pancake batter.

"Okay, fine, as long as you hear me out," said Rafe, not put off by her attitude of indifference.

Just then EJ walked out of Sami's bedroom, scratching his belly and running a hand through his sleep dishevelled hair. He came to a halt when he saw Rafe and then looked over at Sami. "Everything alright, Samantha?"

"Rafe is going to say what he has to say and I'm making pancakes," Sami filled him in. "Do you want coffee?"

EJ nodded. "I'll make it." He walked around to join Sami in the kitchen.

Rafe's face had darkened in rage at the first sight of EJ. "Oh, of course," he snapped, "why am I even surprised?" He glared at EJ. "You know Sami's only back with you because she's mad with me, right?" Rafe sneered. "As soon as she calms down she'll be off to the next man."

"I'm not mad at you, Rafe," said Sami casually, beating her batter. "I'm grateful."

Rafe looked taken aback. "Grateful?"

"Yes," said Sami easily. "If it hadn't been for you trying so hard to keep your mask of perfection, then I would never have been able to see you for what you truly are."

"And what is that?" he growled in annoyance.

Sami shrugged. "Human," she said simply. "You're just human, Rafe. You don't possess any magical powers to make me into a better person. You're just a guy and when I could finally see that for myself, I was free."

"Free to throw yourself under this guy again," said Rafe bitterly.

"Raphael," said EJ, his voice menacingly low as he continued with the process of making coffee, "I'd seriously consider your choice of words right now to both Samantha and I. I won't have you speaking down to Samantha, when all she did was put her trust in you. You're the bad guy here, you're the one who lied and manipulated us both." EJ turned around to face him. "I lost my son yesterday and don't think I've forgotten your part in keeping me from him during all of this time, Hernandez."

"Is this where you threaten me and try to blackmail me again?" Rafe through back at him. He waved a hand at EJ. "Behold your Prince Charming, Sami."

"I told you, Rafe, I'm all grown up now, I don't believe in fantasies anymore," said Sami calmly. "I don't need a prince to rescue me, I need a man who'll walk beside me."

"And that's EJ, is it?" he scoffed. "Give me a break."

"What it is, is none of your business," Sami said and sent him an offhand look. "What goes on between EJ and I is private, it's none of your business."

"Until he hurts you again and you're looking for someone to pick you up and make you feel better," said Rafe dismissively.

Sami wasn't even annoyed. "I get why you'd say that, Rafe, because hey, that's been my MO for a while now but you know what, things change."

"You say that now, but we both know how this is going to turn out," said Rafe coldly.

Sami turned on the hot plate and didn't even look at him. "I'm not interested in proving myself to you, Rafe. I don't care if you believe me or not, that's not my problem." Sami glanced over at EJ and they shared a little smile. "There is only one person that I care about their opinion of me."

"You're just being reactive," said Rafe in annoyance. "You think your family are going to take this lying down. Think about what you're doing to them, Sami."

"I will," said Sami coolly, "as soon as they think about what they're doing to me."

"So, this is you punishing them, me?" asked Rafe bitterly.

"This is me making my own choices about what makes me happy in this life," Sami countered. "I'm sorry if my family is upset but I've tried to live the life they wanted for me for over thirty years and that hasn't turned out so great, particularly for my children. I'm going to try and live the life I want now, and see how that turns out."

"You're just being selfish, Sami," said Rafe tersely. "You're hurt and you just want to hurt others."

"Should I be writing down all the things you're saying I'm feeling?" Sami quizzed Rafe sweetly. "In case I forget them later on, I can go back to my shortcomings later on and get a refresher."

"You're making a huge mistake," Rafe warned her, glaring at EJ. "I tell one little lie and you're willing to throw everything we have away. How many times did you lie, Sami? How many times did I have to forgive you?"

EJ leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, a small smile playing around his lips. "Rafe makes an excellent point, darling. He has been incredibly forgiving of all of your shortcomings, after all and there are so very many of them. Why, I'm surprised he hasn't been given a sainthood simply on the basis he can stand to be in the same room with you."

Sami couldn't help but join in on EJ's needling of the other man. It was a lot more fun than getting mad because getting mad meant you still had strong emotions, and Sami simply didn't when it came to Rafe. Not now, not since she'd woken up. "I see what you're saying, EJ," said Sami with feigned thoughtfulness. "Rafe is standing here in the presence of two of the biggest sinners in Salem. I guess we should give him brownie points for that."

"Do you think this is a joke, Sami?" Rafe demanded angrily.

"I'm beginning to," said Sami laconically. She looked over at EJ. "EJ, pancake duty, if you please?"

EJ straightened up and went to tend to the pancakes, leaving Sami free to advance on Rafe. "All I could think about this last month was that if I could get you to forgive me, we'd somehow be transported back in time to when we were happy and everything was going to be alright. My family would approve of me and I'd be Mrs. Rafe Hernandez again, proof positive I was worth something in this world." Sami was walking towards Rafe, a gleam in her eyes and Rafe was backing up as she advanced. "But yesterday I woke up and realised that a different Sami was happy with you, Rafe and it's a Sami I don't want to be anymore. That Sami wasn't happy in her own skin, she was always looking for approval and validation outside of herself. You enabled that Sami and made sure she never had to grow up and face any kind of consequences. That Sami was a spoiled, self-centred child who was so insecure she never found her own worth. She not only didn't believe she could stand on her own two feet, she didn't want to even try and you loved every second with that Sami, because she made you feel like a real man."

Rafe was backing up, almost at the door as Sami kept walking towards him. "That's just crazy, Sami, you have no idea what you're saying."

"But I do, Rafe. At long last I know what I'm saying and why I'm saying it."

Rafe was standing in the door way now. He glowered down at her. "You're making a big mistake, Sami, you mark my words."

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life," offered up Sami affably. "I know what they look like." She took hold of the door in one hand. "And this ain't it." With that, Sami slammed the door in Rafe's outraged face. Sami turned on her heel and walked back to the kitchen without a backwards look. "You're not burning my pancakes, are you?" she challenged EJ as she took over from him.

EJ was smiling. "I wouldn't dare." He gave her an interested look. "Is this the first stage of my wooing, Samantha? If so, I have to say I'm a fan, although I do hope the rest of the process has decidedly less of a Rafe flavour to it."

Sami pursed her lips and looked thoughtful. "Does beige have a flavour?" she wondered.

EJ chuckled at her humour but then gave her a curious look. "Are you truly not mad at the guy?"

"I'm mad at a lot of things, but not Rafe," said Sami philosophically. "I gave him that power over me, he didn't force me. I just can't bring myself to be mad at him. It's like all the air has gone out of that particular balloon and I just don't care, one way or the other." Sami gave EJ a concerned look. "What I do care about is you. How are you feeling today, EJ?"

EJ paused for a moment. "Glad that I don't have to go through these next few days alone," he said at last.

"And you don't," Sami reassure him. "Your family is here for you, EJ, always."

"You'll never know how happy those words make me, Samantha," said EJ huskily.

"It's the truth," Sami said, "and always will be." She picked up a plate and slid a pancake she'd just made onto it. "Here, I made this especially for you. It's my heart and I'm giving it to you." Sami smiled. "All part of the wooing."

EJ looked down at the plate and the misshapen pancake on it, a small smile playing around his lips. "That's your heart?"

"Yes."

EJ's smile became full-fledged. "In that case, sweetheart, we need to make you an appointment with your cardiologist straightaway," he teased her.

"That totally looks like a heart," Sami defended her work of art.

"After a lifetime diet of McDonalds and Crispy Cremes, maybe," EJ sassed her.

"Everyone's a critic," said Sami, feigning annoyance. She went to grab the plate. "Well, if you don't want it, I'll just take it back."

EJ hung onto the plate for dear life. "Oh no," he said hastily, "I want it, I really, really want it."

They wrestled over the plate, Sami trying not to laugh. They ended up face to face, noses almost touching and Sami couldn't help her eyes drifting to EJ's lips. "I promised myself I wasn't going to kiss you for at least a month, so you'd know I wasn't bouncing from man to man," she said weakly.

"That was a silly promise to make," EJ whispered against her lips.

"I know," said Sami faintly, feeling her head spin at being this close to EJ again. She looked up into his eyes and tried to let him see every little thing that was in her heart. "I want to take this slowly, EJ. I want us to do this right at long last."

"I know and we will," he promised her just before claiming Sami's lips in a tender kiss.

Sami gave herself into the kiss and closed her eyes, EJ's kiss finally bringing her out of the cold and into the warmth of his love and Sami had never known such peace...

~The Beginning~


End file.
